I tried to get back to my old routine, but it's pretty hard to do when everything terrifies you. We've had more than 300 earthquakes since Friday, several of them big enough where I almost had a heart attack. By Monday I was starting to really lose it, and since then I've been just a bucket of tears. I have laid fairly low online, and I wanted to give the illusion that I was fine, but I'm really not, and I think I should explain why:

- The last time Mt. Fuji erupted was in 1709. It came 49 days behind a massive massive earthquake, which was in fact smaller than the 9.1 Magnitude earthquake we had on Friday. Mt. Fuji, by the way, is not a dead volcano. Goody! They say there is no activity in Mt. Fuji, but...

- Nuclear Power Plants have been exploding and melting down and leaking and whatever else. I am over 150 miles away from any of them, but there is still something very unsettling about it. I know nothing about how radiation works. Will it mix with the rain and rain acid putrid death all over us? I don't know.

- I saw on the news this morning that not all of the quakes have even been coming from the same plates. Apparently the big quake made all surrounding plates a little shaky. A seismologist was asked how long it would be before the quakes would subside, and he nervously said "Oh... it may take a month, maybe two." The reporter was like "...are you shitting me?". I swear that's what he was thinking.

- Food is scarce. Living in Tokyo, I wasn't sure how it would affect us, but oh yeah, we're short on food. Bread, rice, and milk are next to impossible to find. I'm also having trouble finding food like pasta sauce or soups. Meats that last a little longer than others, like sausages, are also starting to thin out. Lines are long. Women are politely arguing with supermarket workers about why there is no rice. I thought I'd be smarter than everyone and look on Amazon for food and water-- and oh boy, was I surprised. Everything was sold out. I ended up buying 24 1.5 L bottles of water. That's a shitload of water. I doubt we will need it, but holy crap. Just for emphasis, here's a couple of pictures I took at a supermarket nearby.



It's just so empty... stuff that is still on the shelves is stuff like seasoning, or really expensive sausages.

- Blackouts, trains stopping, gasoline stands are closed... many many shops are closed. The pet store that sells our dog's food is closed until the weekend, so I've had to give him really awful food from the grocery store that's soft and fattening and I think has a drug in it to make him constantly sleepy. He's also gained quite a bit of weight since Friday.

- My event this week was moved back to possibly two months from now. I was supposed to have my last week next week with a big bag of overtime money from the event that was supposed to be this week. This was the money that would support me for a few months while I looked for work as a freelance artist. Also, if the event isn't until May, that cuts into my art events and wedding plans. I really don't know if I can do it. I don't know what to do.

- The constant earthquakes are nerve racking. The little ones, the semi-big ones... my sense of equilibrium has been thrown off and I constantly feel like I am on a boat. I constantly feel like I'm about to get sick. My appetite is non-existent-- I do not eat food because it is delicious, I eat it only because my stomach starts to make loud angry noises if I don't. But after I eat, I always feel sick. Even now I feel like I am riding a wave somewhere. I have to constantly look to items dangling on walls and racks to see if it's actually shaking or not.

I kind of want to go back to America, but at the same time I feel like I can't. I would have to take my dog and I don't know what's required of me-- he's from a rabies-free country, he has a microchip, but if there are other forms to sign I'm not sure I could get them since his vet is probably closed too. There is NO WAY I would leave him. Make fun of crazy pet owners all you like, he is the closest thing to a child I have and I would never forgive myself if I abandoned him. Another option is Ehime, but I don't know if I would feel right imposing on Hero's family for an undefined period of time, and I am not sure if Ehime is technically safe. They were a safe place on Friday, but the earthquakes are no longer isolated to north-eastern Japan. It would certainly be easier to transport Bus to their place, but they live very close to the ocean and, rising water levels are far scarier than earthquakes. America is a guarantee safe place from radiation, earthquakes, and tsunamis (at least, Oklahoma is), but I told my parents that knowing my luck we'd arrive as tornado season started up and our house would be blown away. I think I'd rather battle tornadoes than what's on the table here, though.

I know there are people worse off than me, and it breaks my heart. By comparison, we are certainly just "inconvenienced" by everything. I'm not sure if fleeing is the answer, or if I stick it out things will clear up over the weekend. I just don't know. I jump at a heavy wind shaking my windows, I jump at the upstairs door closing, my chest hurts every time the apartment shakes, and sometimes all I can do is hold my dog and cry while I watch the news. Living in constant fear sucks.